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Paranoia, flying saucers and aliens come to the tiny Transelvation village.   On a starry night Old Tom is using his telescope when he thinks he has seen a flying saucer crash land in the beer garden of the Transelvation Arms.

Whilst Tom ties to raise the alarm, an alien crawls from the burning wreckage and mesmerises Watchword Will, putting him into a catatonic state.  The alien limps off into the night, but no one notices the change in Will.

The next night Tom lies in a drunken stupor having told the locals in the Transelvation Arms about the alien in their beer garden.  Unfortunately no one believes him, but outside the alien is transfixing the barmaid April.  The spell is interrupted when Legless Bob rushes out to use the outside toilet.  April stumbles back inside, but instead of spiking the drinks with an alien virus as instructed she starts serving short measures.  Soon the Transelvationers are up in arms and chase April into the garden baying for blood.  It is then that the alien uses its ray gun to freeze Jack the milkman and the crate of milk he is carrying.

The locals rush back inside to panic and have some ice cold milk.  Everyone has forgotten about Legless Bob - everyone except the alien who attacks him as he is leaving the lavatory.  It tears his false legs off and swallows them whole, little realising that Dopey Dick has filled them with dynamite as a practical joke.  The resulting explosion destroys all traces of the alien, its craft and the outside toilet.  When the men from the ministry arrive there is no proof of the strange events and Bar Keep is left to ply them with drinks until he gets a new toilet.

Old Tom: "I tell ye, theres an alien thing in the beer garden."
Bar Keep: "Can't be.  Its closed."

Legless Bob: "I knew my legs would come in handy."

Images from Alien Vanguard will appear here soon.